The Inheritance of Survival
There are moments in therapy when I’m reminded that our struggles did not begin with us. Much of what we call anxiety or negativity is the echo of a long lineage of survival. An important insight from the existentialists is relevant here: anxiety is part of the human condition. Further, our negativity bias is what kept our ancestors alive. The vigilance that still tightens our breath, the inner critic that scans for failure, the fear that tries to anticipate harm—these responses are part of our survival. They helped our ancestors notice danger, protect themselves, and stay connected to the groups they depended on.
We inherit these responses in our nervous systems and in our families. Over centuries, people adapted to hardship, scarcity, violence, domination, and powerlessness. There have been times when surviving meant suppressing emotion, pleasing others, watching for danger, or carrying shame as though it could protect us. These strategies still live in many of us, even when the danger has passed. They surface automatically, the way any survival mechanism would. We come by them honestly.
From Suffering to Compassion
When I view suffering in this way, something shifts. Some distance grows between myself and the stories that shaped me, and inside that space is a broader recognition of humanity. Tracing our patterns back beyond our individual lives creates a similar distance from which mutual recognition grows. The urge to condemn ourselves loses some of its force. We can look at our thoughts and habits without confusing them for our identity. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” we might begin to ask, “What helped us survive?”
This wider view is not about excusing harm or avoiding accountability. Instead, it offers a deeper context for responsibility that grows from understanding rather than blame. Patterns that once felt shameful begin to look like remnants of strategies that carried someone through fear or instability. When we acknowledge how human beings have long adapted to hardship, uncertainty, scarcity, or powerlessness, compassion emerges as a response to our shared fragility. We gain the pause needed for steadier attention. Parts of ourselves that once appeared as flaws begin to look like adaptations that were trying to keep us safe.
In therapy, moments of being understood in these ways can create reciprocal clarity. We begin to see ourselves with fewer distortions, shaped less by old defensive stances and more by what is present, what has served us well, and what we want to change. This kind of recognition becomes a meeting point where dignity can replace judgment and where self-compassion becomes a workable practice. When suffering is held in that kind of exchange, change becomes less about correction and more about allowing new responses to take shape.
Choosing is a Creative Practice
Understanding where our patterns come from doesn’t make them vanish. Therapy offers a place to sit with what we have inherited and consider how we want to relate to it now. Meaning grows through discerning which adaptations still serve us and which ones are ready for revision.
Agency develops gradually, through the recognition of our shared vulnerability and the choices that recognition makes possible. Each moment brings an opportunity to respond to old strategies with new intentions. We can soften the grip of inherited fear, interrupt familiar loops of self-punishment, and offer care to the parts of ourselves that once had to stay hidden. We become more conscious participants in our own lives rather than passive carriers of what came before.
In this sense, therapy becomes a creative practice. We shape what we have inherited into something more coherent and workable. Our adaptations become sources of insight rather than evidence of flaws. The future we move toward becomes something we participate in forming, guided by what matters most and supported by a fuller understanding of how we came to be.
If this approach sounds interesting to you, I invite you to book a session with me.
Books to Explore
Lisa Feldman Barrett, Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain (2020). Mariner Books.
Kieran Setiya, Life is Hard: How Philosophy Can Help Us Find Our Way (2022). Riverhead Books.
Sarah Petton, Your Resonant Self (2017). W. W. Norton and Company
Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (2011). Harperwave.
Irvin D. Yalom, The Gift of Therapy (2001). Harper Perennial Modern Classics.
